A lucky day unlucky for me. I left my new trench coat that I bought in NYC on my first flight. I didn’t realize it until three hours later when I was boarding my flight to Shannon — and by then it was too late. I’m such an idiot. I told the flight attendant and he reported it then gave me a number to call for the lost and found at O’Hare. They will call me (or Mike) if they find it.
Feeling sad today. My last day here and my emotions are mixed. I don’t want to go home; I’m ready to go home and see Mike + Belle + feel normal; I wish was staying here until Sunday. Of course, I have regrets already. I wonder how I’ll feel when I am back home — that life sort of stopped while I was here.
I drive my obsessions into Synge, my thesis, Front Porch, and the new semester.
Finished a draft of my thesis today. It felt good to have something complete. I know it will change in the next few months, but at least I have something to work with.
Now I have grading and PhD app left to complete.
Mike is back home until Monday. I feel very un right now — unexcited about most things. How to feel a pit in my stomach.
En Route Austin —
Another holiday season behind us. On my way back from Chicago. Was in Mily for 3 days. Saw Mary, Flo, Kath & Katie & cousin Ann. Josie told us she’s pregnant. This time next year, I’ll be an aunt. Thinking of moving back to Chicago in 6 months is both exciting and scary. Where will we live? What job will Mike find? How will like in Chicago help/hurt our marriage? Kids?
Seven days into the new year. Mike & I are really working on the eat healthier, lose weight thing. Haven’t done too much except clean in the past week. People are returning from break, so very soon the semester will abound with craziness.
I need to figure out how to be productive with all the time I’ll have this semester. March & April will be very busy. It’s hard to believe I’ll be leaving here in six months.
This journal contains some of the most significant experiences of my life: meeting my husband, moving to Texas to write, marrying my husband, writing my book of poems. Since I kept this journal while I was a graduate student in poetry, much of it contains ideas for poems; many entries are more poetry than prose.
It’s interesting that the journal begins with me depressed in Chicago, absolutely through with men and the dating scene and ends with me married in Austin about to move back with my husband and thinking about having kids. Less than four years from here to there, letting go of you while writing about you and moving on with Mike and finding happiness.