Dreaming about the end of the world, and somehow you’re in it. Why are you showing up lately? Always, this awareness that we can’t be together. You were you but thinner. I wanted all of you, but you had to leave. Candy coins in different flavors, my ticket to the subway, trying to get back to you, where is the end of all of this?
Magic, a washer, a leaf stuck in the dog’s fur. Happiness. How you’re not here, and haven’t been. Writing words that don’t make sense…
I want to remember standing at the back door in a white robe, watching Belle walk through the yard, her scent alive as she is, as I am. Who holds the key?
A lucky day unlucky for me. I left my new trench coat that I bought in NYC on my first flight. I didn’t realize it until three hours later when I was boarding my flight to Shannon — and by then it was too late. I’m such an idiot. I told the flight attendant and he reported it then gave me a number to call for the lost and found at O’Hare. They will call me (or Mike) if they find it.
Today I met Mr. Murphy and his dog Ginger Murphy, an English golden and cocker spaniel mix. I talked with Mr. Murphy — or rather he talked to me — for a half hour mostly about Ginger, how he checks her paws “pads” for stones, how he takes her for daily walks on the UCC campus and she has a “fan club,” how she’s 10 and half or 73/74 in “dog” years — the same age as him.
Feeling sad today. My last day here and my emotions are mixed. I don’t want to go home; I’m ready to go home and see Mike + Belle + feel normal; I wish was staying here until Sunday. Of course, I have regrets already. I wonder how I’ll feel when I am back home — that life sort of stopped while I was here.
I drive my obsessions into Synge, my thesis, Front Porch, and the new semester.
Another holiday season behind us. On my way back from Chicago. Was in Mily for 3 days. Saw Mary, Flo, Kath & Katie & cousin Ann. Josie told us she’s pregnant. This time next year, I’ll be an aunt. Thinking of moving back to Chicago in 6 months is both exciting and scary. Where will we live? What job will Mike find? How will like in Chicago help/hurt our marriage? Kids?
Wow — I really haven’t written in here in awhile. Summer now over before the school year starts. This summer I didn’t work at all — unlike last summer. I spent lots of quality time with Noah, focused on our wine blog a lot, went to Italy for a contest I won for DaVinci Wine — which was incredible — and Mike & I went to Virginia for the Wine Bloggers Conference.