To feel so deep
to look inside myself
& see your bones
your face in his singing
the words, singing the word lips.
I imagine your insides on
the outside, broken down
like a rag-doll model.
Life is moving so far away from you. Each day I spend with Noah makes me feel further from you. When I’m 60, will I still feel you?
Noah is 8 months & I am 34. There is yesterday — too far away. I would like to hold that moment.
Being a journalist again — teaching kids to be. All the stress that I remember creeping back in. Is this for me? Feeling restless. To have the desire to do something more. I’m terrified of all the ways I used to feel — I’m not sure I want to do this anymore.
A FB message from you. You’re dating someone with my last name. Strange. The way the world works. You’ve moved closer to the city. Your life is moving forward — finally. You have a lake house (this point kills me).
Kansas City, MO — At the H.S. journalism convention with 6 of my editors. It’s so much fun hanging out with them — getting to know them better. I’m also exhausted with ideas — & feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. In terms of press law. In terms of ed policies. In terms of all of it, really. Ugh! How to get the kids to care?