9 August 2012

Noah, 3. AJ, 6 weeks.

Noah, 3. AJ, 6 weeks.

A month later — AJ is 6-going-on-7 weeks. I have to have a D & C tomorrow to remove something that’s in my uterus that has been making me bleed. It’s been a long week. Grandma Evelyn* died yesterday; I’ve been dealing with this bleeding thing; yesterday I spoke at Loyola; back to work Monday; daycare back open too — this new life with AJ in school.

AJ is my sweetie. A big boy, weighing 11.6 at his one month. He loves to eat, my little piggie pie. Still breastfeeding — it’s going well. Noah has been potty training and it’s been tough. Back to school on Monday — he needs to be back in social world, away from TV. Worried b/c he’s not totally potty trained, worried b/c I’ll be away from AJ. Worried about fitting pumping into my schedule. When I’m away from AJ, I miss him. It’s going to be tough, being a working mom again, but I’m not a good stay-at-home mom either, going stir crazy and feeling unaccomplished. Work. What this year will bring. Trying to hold my family together while remaining happy myself with my career, my writing and my friends.

You have faded so far away, drunk status updates from bars I used to know, a life so far gone for me. I wonder sometimes what it would have been like married to you…

*note: “Grandma Evelyn” is my husband’s grandmother, who happened to have my name.

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